It was a year ago Christmas Day when Mom died and 51 years ago on December 13th when my Mother was Killed by a lady the deliberately ran a red light. Went to church Sunday Morning -- only one service at 10 am since it was a holiday. I was already sad and depressed and really needed comfort. Got there just as the service was starting. Sat near the back. Pastor Charles got up to welcome all after the first Hymn and said that he knew that a lot of people had lost family this past year and how we should rejoice as this is our loved ones first Christmas in Heaven. I just lost it and was crying and crying, thank goodness for prayer time so I could wipe my face. I knew it was going to be a hard day, but that just brought it right to me and right to my heart. I was breaking inside. I used every tissue in my purse. I could not control it. Even when I was not crying, tears were running out of my eyes, they were just seeking to escape my body, like if the tears could come out, so would all the bad feelings. While going for spiritual support and comfort, I had not really made it better. I just had to get myself in control. As bad as last Christmas was, this one was almost as sad. All the different emotions, sadness, depression, anger, lost feeling, alone, homesick, despondent just ran over me like water. Christmas is supposed to be a celebration, a happy day, a day of giving and family and love. I could not make it happen, I am a horrible liar. I tell the truth, even when I don't have to. (How are you doing?.. me .. well...)
I have to work through this -- but I just feel like I am swimming in jello.
Can't figure out how to put music on here- but found a link button.
